Insecure

​Insecure got me insecure…
Probably all that sex
 
Insecure got me insecure…
Thinking about my ex
Exfriends, exmen… no longer in my life
The complications of ships that have sailed
Insecure got me insecure in – how my relationships have failed!
 
Insecure got me insecure
Is being single a crime?
Independently depending on inner
Cos people are just bad mind
Granted I may have trust issues
But I’m doing the work… trust
Which is more than I can say for these people
Caught up in mindless lust!
 
Am I jealous?
Am I judging?
Am I jarring you?
Probably all three if I’m real
But why live without consequences in one hand
And then rush to therapy to get healed?
Molly loves not logic
And issa issa bout time you slowed down, take a rest
But… who am I to be giving advice I’m still conquering being my best
 
Insecure got me… secure in
Setting stale relationships loose
Freeing me of all bondages
That had me enslaved - a noose
Because sometimes the relationship that matters the most
Is the one patiently waiting in-side
In-visible to everyone accept to you 
Silently heard deep invibes
…
 
Insecure got me thinking about trauma
And how deeply it goes and gets stuck
the pain of healing by being alone
has us scared, afraid - we give up
Maybe dealing with those daddy issues
And looking at those dated beliefs
Will aid in spotting energy vampires more quickly
Freeing them from the soul - a relief!
Boy friends, friendships can exploit us
And it’s vital that boundaries are known
Not comfort bonding to ‘appear to be’ happy
That’s the representation that is always shown.
 
Insecure got me in-vestigating
The meaning of security
A safe space for ‘self-care’ Sundays
A feeling of certainty…
In what?
In-self? 
In-love. 
In others? 
In-secure has me asking all three
Because three is the magic number
The god head the trinity.
 
Insecure is securing my inner choices
Of following my intuition
Whatever is for me is for me
Sharpening my third eye – super-vision
 
Insecure is low-key planting
A sex and the city narrative 
But unlike the fairytale for Becky
Our image, this low-key damages
Insecure - Zoomed in exposes issues 
Like the ship Molly and Issa share
It intelligently raises awareness
about silences and mental health scares
But the close-up lens is insecure
Shaky, with its exposure of western culture which is white 
My expectation from the ‘awkward black girl
Is an African angle, glued tight
 
Maybe that is the reason for the title 
I accept, not everything is perfectly aligned
But we need to question this programming
On how black and female is defined.
Insecure got me insecure 
Focusing in on sex
When the focus should be 
On my responsibility
To nourish my being – to protect
 
Insecure though 
got me thinking…
Thinking about my ex
Exfriends, exmen… relation-ships 
Who will sail away from me next?
 
Insecure got me in
secure in I got 
Insecure got me in
Secure in… exes forgot
Insecure got me in
Secure in… 
nothing .

✮✮✮✮✮

---